FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (on April Fools' Day)

CAMBRIDGE, M.A. - After years of careful research, scientists in the FAS Research Computing organization have noticed that a large proportion of the “big data” we generate as part of our research isn’t actually of all that much value.

Today we are announcing our new storage system called DevNull™. DevNull™ has been designed to more effectively manage the data deluge from multiple Big Data projects. Due to the vast amount of big data that has no significant value or impact on humanity, for example, tweets, Facebook posts and other social media ramblings, we have architected an end-to-end solution for all your big data needs.

By assigning file objects to DevNull™ you no longer need to worry about any of your data storage challenges. All files and content assigned to DevNull™ will be managed by our novel NoContent Addressable and WriteOnly filesystem.

We are able to offer this new storage system at significant savings to you the researcher. We can reduce your total storage costs by 50%, overnight. We will only charge you $100 / TB of data you store in the DevNull™ file system. Because the file system is write only, your worries of having to ever read the data back are immediately eliminated. Given we have solved half of the problem, we can immediately pass the other 50% of the problem as direct financial savings right back to you the researcher.

By using our novel WriteOnly filesystem technology, we are also now announcing yet one further enhanced capability.

DevNull™ will be an UNLIMITED capacity storage offering! You heard it here first, UNLIMITED storage for all the files you ever want or need to write for the life time of the data. Immediate archive of data, and 100% reliability of the object forever!

Through thorough testing and analysis, Research Computing engineers have also managed to benchmark the new DevNull™ file system at one billion I/O write operations a second(*), and it has over 1 Terabit of bisectional bandwidth. The system is able to keep up with even the most complex of Big Data challenges.

The DevNull™ file system is available immediately. For access please contact your nearest Advanced Cyber Infrastructure Research and Education Facilitator (ACI-REF) for expert guidance and support on how to leverage DevNull™ for your research.

* Disclaimer: File read performance figures are not guaranteed or actually available. Ever.

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